June 10, 2006

Ups and Downs

World Cup Match: England, 1; Paraguay, 0. :)

I'm leaving England in a week. I'm still trying to comprehend this. It's so strange. I've been here five months, and it's become so much my home. It's so bizarre to think that when I leave here in a week, I will never be back to this in the same way again. Sure I'll be back to England; I'm DEFINITELY coming back to England. But I won't be living in Waveney, and I don't even know if my friends are still going to be in university still. That's STRANGE. How am I going to do this?

This semester really has been amazing for me. I am so glad I did it. I'm a different person than I was at the beginning of the semester, which might be a bit weird when I get back at first, but I'm pretty sure I like the change. I feel so much more adult than I did before coming here, so much more confident, so much less afraid that I won't be able to deal with things thrown my way. So many things that used to scare me or overwhelm are just normal, everyday things now not worth a fuss. It's amazing. And my flatmates were/are phenomenal. I couldn't have asked for a better set of people to help me adjust to being in another country and away from my family. It's going to be so strange not to see them every day and live with them just down the hall and see them randomly in the kitchen.

Not to mention that this semester I actually got to remind myself what it was like to RELAX. Sure I worked hard on my papers but I have had a few weeks after my exams with just...nothing. And at first I thought that would be strange; I like to feel productive, I like to feel like I'm making a difference somewhere. And I'm sure if I was just sitting around here for, say, another month, with nothing to actually do, I would begin to go a little crazy. But these past couple of weeks? They've been really, really good for me. I remember what it's like to just HAVE free time again, just relax and not worry about what else I have to get done before such-and-such a date. I remember how to breathe.

On the flip side, I miss my friends at home that it's been far too long since I've seen, and it's incredibly weird knowing staff training is now going on without me at camp. When I initially planned my summer, logically, I was thinking okay, I was maybe a little burned out this past summer, and I don't think I can really be a counselor again this summer, and maybe it will be good for me to take a break. But now that it's actually happening without me? It's so strange. The first time in seven years (I've gone eight years but I skipped a year in between the first and the second) that I won't be going to camp. I'm going to try and swing a visit in between getting home and school starting again but that's not exactly the same. Just another weird thing in the time marching on-ness. Hopefully camp doesn't forget about me. :P I will be back!

But on still yet another flip side, I am so happy that I'm going to be seeing Wes in eight days. Eight days! It's so nice to be able to count in days instead of weeks, to know that NEXT SUNDAY I'll be stepping off a plane in Tanzania and remember what it's like to have a boyfriend I can actually SEE, in person. Not to mention hug, or kiss. Rarrr. I'm in a slight amount of shock that it's actually been almost nine months. Three quarters of a YEAR. WHAT? But, we actually did it. We made it three quarters of a year and are still going strong. That's got to say something.

As you can probably tell from this entry, my emotions are ridiculously up and down lately. That's understandable though I guess. But I wouldn't give anything I've done or am doing up, so it's worth it. :)

No comments: